Ten years ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, arthritis, and degenerative disc disease. That year I started the new year off with herniated discs and sciatica that left me unable to walk for days. Generally healthy, my body started to fail me pretty early on after sustaining an injury from gymnastics as a teen. Shortly after that came what would be a lifetime of frequent migraines. Fibromyalgia was the most physically challenging beast. It’s worse than child birth, because you at least know that child birthing has an end. Doctors tried to drown me in everything from anti-depressants to morphine. I just wanted a resolution, not to be medicated. On a good day, my pain was a 12 on a 1-10 pain scale. Eventually I learned to stop crying from the pain, because that only made it worse. Then came the heartache of “you look fine” comments. You look fine, because you have no choice but to move along each day. Caring for three itty bitties and working full time left me with no logical medication options that would allow me to function properly so I made the decision to not take any medication at all. I was so tired of being tired and in pain. It was a source of darkness.
In 2013 through a tremendous bout of life altering events accompanied with not working that year- I worked out to distract myself and did the most is ever done on my life.
In 2017, though my posts and day to day interactions may have communicated one frame of mind for me…I was really drowning. From pain. From stress. (Something to always remember-not all who smile are always ok.) I gave the itty bitties and my career my all, but gave nothing to myself. Sometimes you try to stay so positive for others, and hope that it sinks into you. You run around telling everyone to look for the light hoping that it will remind you to do so as well. As a hard core follower of Jesus, it’s so hard to let anyone know you struggle because you’re afraid it will communicate that you really don’t trust God.
This year was a true year of transformation. Of heart, mind, body, and soul. I changed my diet and it transformed my pain levels and helped me in ways that no medication has ever done. I lost all of the weight and then-some that gained last year. I said yes every time God asked me to become more involved in the Ministry instead of saying I’m too busy. I started trusting God more and more with not just a tiny piece of my mind, but with every aspect of my life. I started working out because I liked it again. As a non-runner who swore she would die at the hands of Michael Myers if he ever came after her because nothing would get me to run…I started running. Though I can only run intervals, I pushed myself further and further each time and ran more than my entire life put together this year. About 33% of this year’s miles is from running. As a full time working mom of three living with chronic pain, I had the best physical year of my life. I’m not just surviving each day, I’m packing as much life as I can into each day. You never truly know what you can accomplish until you drop everything that holds you down and say I’ll try.
“Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.”
And I end this with our famous J6 mantra that got us through some rough days:
“Being defeated is only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.” ❤️